My family has lived on the spectrum for only 2 years. It seems like much longer. Sometimes the days blend into each other. It is a lot of work to have a child with autism on so many levels.
The hardest job is explaining my son's behavior. A successful outing feels like when your child takes their first step, it is so wonderful. That being said, you can imagine how an unsuccessful outing feels. It never seems to matter either way. There are always people that have opinions about how a child should handle themselves. If I had a dollar for every time I have apologized for something while saying, "He's autistic," money could be crossed off my list of worries.
In addition to being the mother of 4 children, I am now a full-time teacher for my son. Of course I do this to help him be as successful as he can possibly be. There are some days when I just want to play and not feel the need to encourage independant language, improve social skills and continue to stoke his obsession with letters and reading.
Then there's the messes. When he is having a normal day, he is good about cleaning up after himself with the occasional careless toss of a wrapper. He will certainly pick it up cheerfully when prompted. On what I call an "off" day, he seems to purposely create messes throughout the house. We always have a spare wax ring for the toilet and have used them due to various lodged objects in the toilet. He loves water, especially the "splash" sound, hence the throwing of things in the toilet.
The worst part about having a child with autism is our son does not articulate what he's thinking of feeling for the most part. He will answer yes/no questions, but most of his language is learned responses to known requests.
That's why I think there are 2 really amazing and wonderful things I have gotten from autism. Number one is to never, ever take a hug or kiss for granted. I never knew how special it was to have your child call you "Mama" until my child didn't do it until he was 4 years old. He is now 6 1/2 and has only recently said, "I love you, Mom." It is extra special because he always calls me "Mommy," only "mom" when he says I love you.
Number two, and the most precious thing, is patience, understanding and temperance. You see, for my son, any sign of tension will elevate the situation. I must remain the ever-gentle, ever-solid, mother of consistent behavior. I cannot raise my voice or show frustration. I will most definitely be seeing the speedy thrower-of-things-into-the-toilet super hero emerge. These characteristics I have learned have served me well in that I no longer look at people as anything other than people. Maybe that is because I hope someday people will look at me and my son as just 2 more people in the world.
Thank you for reading. This was a bit of an introduction- kind of long and boring. I look forward to sharing my view of my son's life and I hope it will help someone feel less alone as others' words have for me.
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